UnfortunatelyLit By jesa rene
CW: fat shaming, alcohol abuse
You go into this club alone because your friends get into a better one, one more strict on the “no fatties” rule, you guess. Once inside, the first drink is to help you swallow the second. The third is to help you forget the fourth. Do not try to dance because the alcohol isn’t quite hitting you yet.
Just wait for it.
Can you just wait?
You want to be fluid enough to move but not so fluid that you can’t stand up. You have another shot anyway.
Why didn’t you listen?
You know they’re glaring at you with the kind of disgust that’s also laced with a little pity, the kind reserved for a fat girl taking up too much room. Your favorite. You won’t remember them, though, so tighten up.
“Where is she?” the paramedics shout over the bass.
You’ll need to focus on their voices because the lights and ceiling are a blur. Funny how disrespect rarely creates heroes or people who shine. We think that because, as humans, we are drawn to the exception. But disrespect mostly breaks.
“Yeah – over there. She’s – no offense – the big one. We didn’t wanna move her.”
The manager is already scolding the bouncer, and they will be stricter on the “no fatties” thing in the future.
Do you like making an impact?
jesa rene has been failing to start for almost thirty years, and she needs to talk about it. her works explore living with borderline personality disorder, addiction, depression, and humor. she invites others to question their assumptions about people with mental illness and to interrogate the intersection between self-hatred and ostracism.
Why we chose this piece: Damn, this is dark. We like the bite of jesa’s voice, and the use of second person works really well. We love the way she frames the succession of drinks and the “do not try to dance” line. The bitter layers in this piece hit us hard.
